Oct. 04, 2004,23:42

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We're off to see the Wizard
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I am not sure what to say... its just that, I am getting old, quickly. At the age of 25. I didn't realise that worrying would get you there quickly. People often joke about the grey hairs on their head, because of their children, and they laugh. I have 10 grey hairs. I am 25. I admit, I worry more than I should at times. I admit it now, but I don't realise that I am doing it at the time. But I can feel it. And I didn't think that worrying so much, really could hurt you. Not really. I am 25 and immortal, right? Only lately, I've been thinking about life and death, a lot more so, than I ever have in the first 20 years of my life. The only way you truly feel old, is when you truly feel like you are beginning to die. And this is how I felt tonight. My heart hasn't done very well, these past 3 years. You might have read this diary, at the beginning, this was my vent. A vent to let out some pain and sadness. Because I had no one and nothing. And I really do think its taken its toll. Because I can feel it. I feel my heart ache tonight, and its not something emotional. My heart is trying to tell me how tired it is. My heart is trying to tell me that its getting tired and old. In three years, I think I've worn it down, to this point of weakness where it can't take much any more. And if I could visit that wizard, and ask him just for one thing. You know what it would be. When I was in 4th grade, I was an avid reader of Frank Baum. I traveled in my mind to fairytale lands, or magic and mischief. I read almost everything I could find. I even tracked down obscure books of his, from the bigger libraries. The difference now is, I am not a coward. I accept my fate, whatever that may be. But let me tell you this. Life is very short. And worry takes its toll. And I, I am going to find a cardiologist.